We all woke up from our cyber-surgery around the same time and prepared for our journey to the Captain’s Table. The house AI told us we’d have to go back to the lift, possibly through the horde of Sanctus Sanguine cultists outside. It had cut all external feeds, but based on its observations of the cultists’ behaviour and the data it extrapolated from our descriptions, it thought the cyborgised cultists would have gone into stealth mode and would possibly still be in the area. There would be two more of the most highly-cyborgised members of the bureaucracy, now followers of the Sanctus Sanguine, outside the house who we may have to get past to get to the lift. It agreed to send a security robot with us for cover. Quold quoted a load of regulations and somehow convinced it to send the army of servitor monkeys out on a sweep to provide an extra distraction.
I wanted to lead the servitor monkey assault, but every time I tried to head for the atrium one of the robot butlers would distract me and the house AI would start talking to me. It let the monkeys go out of all 5 exits but it still wouldn’t turn on the cameras to show us what was happening. STD-01 and the security bot headed out first, shortly followed by the rest of us. As we got outside I could see the servitor monkeys engaging the Sanctus Sanguine cultists. They looked like they were having a great time! Smashing cultists and throwing their severed limbs around and screeching all the while. There were battle-sounds from all the corridors, and I noticed a particularly weird sound coming from the other side of the elevator shaft. We all ran for the elevator but I noticed Quold was lagging behind a bit. Boomeron told him there was a monster behind him, which made him run a bit faster. I thought I should give him some positive motivation, like Gav told me about when he did that leadership seminar in the military AI’s house. I told him he was the one who really wanted to go to the Captain’s Table, and it was only a lift ride away, so he should get his ass into that lift so he could put on his fancy uniform! It didn’t seem to make too much difference, but he managed to catch up with STD-01 and the security robot.
We all readied our weapons as we neared the lift shaft. The lift was in the centre of cross-roads and there were sounds of fighting coming from round the corner. Boomeron got to the lift shaft first and tried to hide up against the wall. When the rest of us got there I could see one of the head bureaucrats with two flunkies. Two of the servitor monkeys was attacking them, but it didn’t look like it would last very long. Gav emptied a full-auto blast from his combat shotgun into the bureaucrat which seemed to do some damage. Chaz sprayed some of the flammable jelly from her sprayer over all three bureaucrats and the security bot tried to and they fired back at them with their laser fingers, setting themselves on fire and hitting Gav in the chest. One of the servitor monkeys picked up one of the flaming flunkeys and started hitting him against the wall. Awesome! I threw a grenade at the head bureaucrat, who seemed to be pretty badly on fire, but he was charging towards us as the lift doors were closing. Just as they shut, I saw it explode right under his ass and send him flying up in the air, only to be clubbed with the flunky that the monkey had picked up as a horde of zombies came round the corner.
We all changed into our dress uniforms and then chilled out to the lift muzak whilst we waited for the lift. We came out into the lobby, which was the fanciest place I’ve ever seen. A robot maitre-d came out to greet us and asked for our reservations. Quold said some stuff to it that I didn’t understand and asked to hand over all of our equipment, which was stored in a nano-tech sealed locker that they gave us the keys to. We were shown to our table, and one of the best replicants I’ve ever seen turned up to take our order.
We ate our meals and they were the most amazing food we’d ever had! After we’d finished we all felt much better than we had before. We had a few drinks and relaxed for a bit, then the maitre’d came over to talk to us. It said it had been getting some inappropriate suggestions from upstairs in the Praetor’s quarters and that it would quite like us to investigate.
The
Captain’s
Table
Menu
Entrées
Vulcor Bloodfruits
The savoury Bloodfruits of the Vulcor Tribune are one of the rarer fruits in the Emperion
collective, coming as they do from the now decimated eco-system of
Vulcor prime. The fruit is served on focai bread with a dusting of pepper.
Emperion Prime Starflower Seeds
Grown around the celestial fragment in the Emperion Prime system, these
flowers heads are one of the most prized delicacies. It is considered a huge
honour to be allowed to eat such an important symbol of the Emperion. The seeds
are dry roasted with a mixture of salts from all 15 of the ocean worlds currently
subjugated by the Empire.
Mains
Classics
Melian Mega-Bison Ribs
The gigantic Mega Bison roams unchallenged across the tundra of Melia IV, weathering
even the most titanic of Hyper-Blizzards. The Ribs are seasoned with the finest
Atargian spices and are served on a bed of fresh greens.
Lan-Cai-He Space Badger Steaks
Only the bravest of the Badgers makes it to the table; the rest feed it! Bred on-board
the Badgers are forced through a variety of trials before the final selection process
is determined by a Badger pit fit. The winners are served with a vegetable compote.
Hot n’ Spicy
Rasarian Cleft Beast Burgers (H)
The Cleft Beast is one of the largest predators in known space, larger than a
Craterian Ploust Critter or even the Mega Snark. The Cleft Beast Burger is an extremely
spicy dish served with fries or fresh potatoes.
Frozen Zergaun Monolith Dust with Vardi Sprinkles (H)
The Monoliths of the Zergaun system contain the memories of a long dead race known as
the Mamolock. Orbiting a near-dead celestial fragment, these organic mimetic storage vessels
are an exquisite delicacy. Pan fried and seasoned with Vardi fire spices, this is not a
dish for the faint hearted!
Special Cuts
R'Bari Shuffle Monkey Tails
R’Bari Shuffle Monkeys are exceptionally graceful creatures, their three tails are capable
of independent movement due to a large zone of particularly tasty proto-cerebellum.
The tails are vacuum boiled then coated in a smooth batter and served with a light salad.
Zerkon Beholder Eye Stalks
Nothing gets past a Zerkon Beholder, namely due to the thousands of independent
prehensile eye’s they possess. The Eye stalks are packed with a secret blend of
herbs and spices to produce a truly eye opening dish.
Special Cuts
Anagolian Reticulating Spider Claws
Soft and boozy or crunching and still reticulating, both are delicious and it’s your choice! Once
cut from the Reticulating Spider, the claws die within hours and ferment, losing their crunchy
texture but gaining 20% proof!
Seafood
Magha III Sky Whale Loins
The gas giant Magha III is home to one of the most potent animals known in the Emperion
Collective. The Sky Whales have the largest reproductive organs ever recorded, producing
a colossal 15 mega-jabbons of reproductive juice in a single mating. The loins are served with a
white wine sauce.
Sk'Zan Mind Prawns in Zergaunt sauce
Sk’Zan mind prawns are a parasite species that feed of the emotional energies of their
hosts. They are capable of infecting a wide variety of sentient and sub-sentient creatures. They are served live, though of course we make sure they are paralysed through the use of a tasty Zergaunt
grub sauce.
Vegetarian
Talotan Glamerilia Bird Eggs (V)
The Glamerilia Bird is regarded as one of the most ostentatious creatures ever recorded. Their
diet is based on a variety of precious metals and gem stones which are partially digested
and then secreted through special glands onto their expansive display feathers. The eggs
are served frozen on a savoury ice cream base.
Vervort Pattern webs with Parvet
Stalks (V)
The Vervortian pattern webs are a quasi-sentient seaweed found on the Gaian ocean
world of Vertort. They form a significant portion of the data processing capacity
of the ecosystem. The accompanying Parvet stalks add a delicious nutty offset to
the creamy taste of the webs.
Desserts
Quizali Motile Cheese platter
Created in the Quizali bio-weapons research facility, the motile cheeses were
an attempt to create a pan-species cheese borne smart-disease. The experiments
were deemed a complete failure when it was noted that the research “volunteer’s”
seemed to be remarkably partial to the tainted cheeses and weren’t dying very
often. The pathogens have now been mostly removed however it is not
recommended to imbibe them if you have a history of stomach ulcers,
pattern baldness or space tourettes.
Esense Fruit Sorbet
Found very occasionally floating in small swarms in deep space, the Esense fruit is
thought to be a seed form of an xeno-celestial attempting to egress
the voids between worlds. The fruits are first scorched in the glare of an Emperion
celestial core before being pureed and frozen into a truly out of this world
sorbet!
We ate our meals and they were the most amazing food we’d ever had! After we’d finished we all felt much better than we had before. We had a few drinks and relaxed for a bit, then the maitre’d came over to talk to us. It said it had been getting some inappropriate suggestions from upstairs in the Praetor’s quarters and that it would quite like us to investigate.
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